There’s 45 minutes of Christmas (for me, it’s already over for you).. and I just wanted to take a quick second to kind of reflect back on this past year/semester (don’t worry, it won’t be long… I’m sure everyone is getting tired of my long winded rants by now).
Being back home made me realize a lot more than I was expecting. I was super unsure about coming back home because I thought I would “relapse” or go back to being more immature and unsure of myself. In retrospect, I think what I worried about was completely irrelevant and slightly absurd. Like you told me, change is never constant, change never stops and there’s no real sense of “changing back.” One of the reasons I was scared about coming back was because I wasn’t sure if people back here would understand the ‘new’ me, and I guess I kind of took that too far. For some reason, my friends in LA see me as a completely different person than my friends back home. You guys put me on some kind of pedestal; you guys hold me to higher standards and generally just of me in really high regards. I guess I carried that mindset back home without even consciously thinking about it, and it really affected the way I viewed my friends. More than anything, being back home has brought me back to Earth, and diluted this image I had of myself (which I really needed). Just because I’m in a different place with different people doesn’t mean it’s going to necessarily be a bad thing, but it’ll always be a chance to GROW and CHANGE, which I realize now is all that you were trying to tell me (that one time we were in your car and I was freaking out).
I’m so thankful for all the people who have entered and impacted my life these past couple of months (yes, including you pups). This post was completely not what I had in mind, but I guess it’s more of a word vom in terms of whatever has been floating around in my brain over the past couple of days. Being apart from you and Char and everyone back in LA is really sucky, but I mean I think I might’ve dramatized it in my own mind. I miss yall like crazy; every story I’ve told has either your name or Charlotte’s in it and I literally cannot go more than 10 minutes without something reminding me of you guys :)
This is a lot longer than I expected it to be, and it has nothing to do with the spirit of Christmas… and it really isn’t a reflection of my past year……….. but, I’m sure that’ll be another post in about a week (right bfore the new year).
Love you like currrrazy. I’ll talk to you soon